Winona Ryder as Finn, a newly engaged, and panicked, twenty something in How to Make an American Quilt. Finn goes to visit her grandmother to escape. What she finds there is her grandmother and her quilting bee friends working on Finn’s wedding gift, a marriage quilt. Finn watches them, she listens to them, the closest of friends but as different as the patches they create. They tell stories of their lives as wives and as she pieces them together she has a revelation:
“Young lovers seek perfection. Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together and of seeing beauty in a multiplicity of patches.”
This week my parents will be celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary, and though I am so happy for them and the universe they created for our family, I can’t help but think: “How the hell did they do that?” It’s not really a mystery though, because for the most part I watched them do it. I watched them do, what I would call, compromise, day after day. A little bit here and a little bit there. It’s to the point now where I asked my mom what does she want on her pizza and she answers “get pepperoni, your dad likes pepperoni.” Um what did she say?
They love each other, they have been together since they were 22 years old. They became who they are in the context of their marriage. And I must say, for the record, they are very happy. They overlook the wrinkles, the gray hair, and the bad habits. They enjoy their lives together.
Me, I’m dating, again. For the last 7 years, I’ve practiced, what my last boyfriend calls serial monogomy. I am not embarrassed to admit I’ve ended relationships for many reasons. Both large and small. Too this, too that, not enough of the other. Am I young? No. Am I looking perfection? I am. Is this good? I don’t know, maybe I should be looking to piece together my own quilt of patches from here and experiences from there. But for now I’m not willing to compromise.